In The Valley He Restoreth My Soul~

The Lord knows I can't live on the mountain, so he picks out a valley for me....

He leads me beside still waters,

Somewhere in the valley below,

He draws me aside,

To be tested and tried,

But in the valley he restoreth my soul...

We often love life when were up on the mountain, but what about the valley. Why is it something that we wish to escape? Why when we are in the valley we wonder why? I have been thinking about my "valley'. I wonder why it seems I have been here so long. A lot of thoughts came to my mind. I am here because I yearn in the valley but the mountain brings a peace and I fail to continue to yearn. I am comfortable on the mountain and fail to continue on the journey to finding true and complete peace. So here I sit...in the valley. So what is a valley? As much as we hate to be in the valley, it is beautiful.

This last weekend I was privileged to attend HHC camp out and was blessed. Although my strength is gone and my spirit is tested, I participated in a nature hike. And as I was walking and hiking, so much opened my eyes. The hills where hard, often times I felt dizzy and nauseated and felt like stopping. Up and up, around through the trees, over half buried stones, tripping over sticks, ducking under falling trees, climbing up huge rocks......than down, down....to the "valley" crystal clear waters, a bridge, beautiful green trees, a fresh pleasant smell...beautiful...absolutely amazing...not a bad place...this place brought the strength to continue...its beauty planting the desire to see more, to know more, to experience more....its a place of encouragement, a place of rest, a place of learning, a place to sit and get your feet wet...a place to grow...

So my "valley" as dark and lonely it may seem at times...is it a place for me to learn... a place for rest...a place of beauty....

So I will share a little of my "valley" with you.......

My health is currently failing.....it seems to be a vicious circle of doctors and testing...with little to no certain answers... I have good days and I have horrible days...seems there is no in between...Next week one of the test I will go through will be a digestion study, to see if my stomach is emptying correctly. I have 3 doctors appointments..two in one day!...

I have personal issues that are taking an emotional toll on me, but the "valley" is beautiful...

A Champion Is Someone Who Gets Up When He Can't...Jack Dempsey

Well today the package with what a woman considers her glory, the thing she fusses about most on the date she is supposed to go or the night out with the girls, came in the mail. I walked around the corner and didn't expect it to be here. I had signed up with the USPS to send me updates to my cell phone letting me know when the delivery would be made, and I never got one saying it was going to arrive. I was very excited and in my excitement I proceeded to break off one of my nails ripping the box open. So I inspect all the items within the box, and the excitement quickly disappears. I try on the first wig, which is a shorter one, and it fails to look like the picture. So I quickly figure that I can work with it and it will work. The next two are beautiful and I love the way they look. As I am staring in the mirror, my heart sinks, and I begin to feel self conscious. I than realize that somewhere on this journey, I must find acceptance. Acceptance for the things in which I have no control. I must find the self confidence to "sport" my hair lol because after several conversations with other wig wearers, this is the key. If it doesn't bother you, no one will notice, is what I have been told. So..the adventure begins..to acceptance of what I can't change and being confident in who I am...fake hair and all. I was telling a friend how different it is. How I can wear fake nails but so different when it comes to hair. When does the point come that you are losing you and becoming a "fake" person. When do you stop being true to you and who you are? Does that time ever come? Is that point different for each person? Wouldn't you have to know who you are, before you can lose yourself?
So tomorrow is the big day. One that is anxiously waited for, and when its close arrival comes, the dread begins to set in. I will be headed to the doctor in hopes of some answers and to begin some testing. Fear of the unknown always grips the heart of those that are fearful of the possible answer. Logically we know we must seek the answer, our heart may tells us that sometimes things are best left unanswered. Just because we choose not to seek the answer, is that giving up? I am a firm believer that choosing not to fight because the battle seems to tough, is giving up. Laying down your sword and shield as the enemy is quickly approaching with the fire power of an army, is not the answer. A hero is not born because he ran, he is born for standing up for himself, others and what is right. I think of boxing when I think of what I am going through. It's the 6th round and all I can think about is how tired I am. I have an opponent coming at me with all his might and glory. Ready to swallow me up in his pitiful wallows of defeat. I have a corner full of supporters and yet their voice is often drown out by the noise of self defeat. My arms to tired, the gloves so heavy, the sweat burning my eyes. One more round, than one more round, the vicious circle of just trying to keep myself protected. Swinging with all the strength I can muster, bobbing in and out, labored breathing, encasing the will to fight. Its not the one who runs the swiftest, but the one that endures to the end. This ring, this fight, will not be be my last. I may not win, but I will fight with vigor. Weakness is found in the things we choose not to do. Power comes with facing that challenge. So tomorrow, the 7th round begins.... champion shows who he is by what he does when he's tested. When a person gets up and says 'I can still do it', he's a champion.
Evander Holyfield