We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today.  ~Stacia Tauscher

~Lovest Thou Me More Than These?~

Love is defined by Dictionary.com as 

• a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person,
• a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
• a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
• affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor. the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.

As we live in the modern day, love, is a term that is thrown carelessly around to portray our strong feeling towards something or someone. What once took time to earn, it is now given with no heart felt feeling. Than when the time comes to portray how feelings, we lack a better word. We give love to those things that cannot provide any emotional support to us. We love food, possessions, movies, cars, books, songs, etc...yet none of these can return the feeling. We love addictions...internet, alcohol, drugs, sex....yet these addictions only take us down the road of eternal doom. We love our possessions, and yet these things can disappear quickly and these "things" provide only temporary comfort. We place faith in those things we love and are often heart broken and distraught when these things fail to bring us continuous happiness.  
The Bible mentions "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends". If I lined up all the "friends" that I have, how many of them would lay down their life for me? I can tell you that I can count them on one hand. While we proclaim to love someone and do things that we feel communicates this feeling, do they have faith that we as a friend would make the ultimate sacrifice? 
Love is a word that express feeling and meaning, that have been bunched into one word when all other words are seemingly inappropriate to express what we are feeling. Although words are kind to the ears, actions are food to the soul. With words so carelessly thrown around, actions are the backbone to the communication that we use.
So lovest thou Me more than these??? 

~ A Mother's Job Is Never Finished...and Is Never Easy..

 We look into the eyes of our newborn babies and we quickly forget the pain and aches of pregnancy. We tightly but gently hold on to the new bundle of love that has been placed in our hands. We cry over the miracle of the human being and the responsibility that we have been blessed with. We eagerly greet the few sleepless nights with excitement and recharge in the morning with a pot of coffee. We are cuddling, cooing, rocking and singing our gift to sleep. We wake up if we aren't awakened by cries during the night, only to find the precious one sleeping and we stand there in total admiration. Nothing melts a heart faster than a sleeping child. We are run into the ground. We are surround by colic, sickness, tummy aches, teething, insecurity, baby talk, bumps, bruises and latch key. We also experience the joys of the first words, crawling, the first step, which grow into big things, like first grade, first crushes and heartaches. We keep a constant vigil over our gifts, we try so hard to make sure that avoided hurts are detoured, we kiss the boo boo's, we comfort, we remain strong despite how strong the storm. We try to teach them right from wrong, but must ultimately understand that in the end the choice is theirs. We spend nights on our knees praying that God will show himself to them and make it real. We spend nights worrying about the little things in their lives that are so big.
There was a time in my life when being a mom wasn't what I felt I was. I resented my children and constantly felt that I failed and there for why try? I would like to think that my children never felt that, but we all know that they pick up on the littlest of things. That was many years ago and since than I have loved being a mother. I still fail in so many aspects of what I think I should be to them. I have tried to be selfless yet being strong and bull headed for them if that is what it took. I am learning that there are going to be somethings in their lives that I will have no control over. I won't be able to kiss the boo boo better. I will be there to pick up the pieces and provide guidance for the situation. I will be the mother who will fall into bed in tears when a girl breaks my son's heart, or answer the door with a baseball bat when the boys won't leave my daughter alone. I will be the mom who is there to dry the tears, to teach strength when it seems that there is none to be found. I will wear my title proudly, and I will stand for what as a parent I feel is right, for not only me, but for my gifts

~Listen, Learn & Love For Lupus~

What is Lupus: Lupus is referred to as SLE(systemic lupus erthematosus) and is an auto-immune disease that takes on several forms and can affect any part of the body, but most commonly attacks the skin, joints, the heart, lungs, blood, kidneys and brain. 
Autoimmune diseases are characterized by a malfunction of the immune system one in which the immune system cannot distinguish between the body's own cells and tissues and that of foreign matter, like viruses. Rather than simply producing antibodies to attack antigens (viruses, bacteria and similar foreign matter), the immune system creates auto-antibodies that attack the immune system itself.
Symptoms of Lupus:

• Fever
• Malaise, or general discomfort
• Joint paint
• Muscle pain
• Fatigue
• Skin ulcers, lesions and rashes, most significantly malar rash, commonly called butterfly rash.
• Anemia
• Iron deficiency
• Cardiac issues, such as pericarditis, myocarditis, and endocarditis.
• Pleuritis and other lung inflammation
• Renal issues, including painless hematuria or proteinuria
• Seizures

 So having said that, lets move on. Upon my personal research I have found that the FDA has not approved a drug in 50 years that is directed in managing lupus. To me that is astounding, the swine flu gets more attention that an incurable auto immune disease...

Heather's Lupus Journey:
I promise I wont sit here and bore you with ALL the details but just some of the symptoms and issues I have encountered.  
Mornings are the worst. Climbing out of bed seems more like the dreaded chore of scrubbing the toilet, you don't want to do it , but you must. Joints are stiff and achy, sometimes they feel somewhat locked into place. The pain to me is like someone taking a nail and hammering it into your joints or in your bones. I am currently beginning to experience loss of muscle strength. Tell me how you would feel if you pulled the muscles in your hand and up your arm from opening a pickle jar?! I often wake up with a severe "morning-sickness" type feeling. For the last two weeks I have been struggling with severe headaches, often reaching 8 on the pain scale. I often wake up with the start of a new headache in the mornings. Foggy, my brain and cognitive skills are so diminished in the mornings. Recently been waking up with swelling, mainly around my eyes. And the fatigue is unreal. I have never known the true meaning of being dead dog tired until now. Some days just doing the dishes does me in for the day. I try to do little things a lot, so that there is a lot to do. But the house is slowly slipping into the dark abyss of filthiness. 
A very new symptom for me is the behavioral mood swings & depression. :( I find myself swinging like a monkey on emotions. One minute I am ok and the next I feel irritated, anxious, sad, grumpy....One minute I want to talk to my husband and the next minute I want him to disappear. One minute I am crying uncontrollable and the next I am yelling about something that needs to be done. One minute I feel strong and the next I feel helpless. I am locking myself away in my house for this is the place I feel safe. Never in my life have I been surrounded by some many that love me and all the while I am sitting there looking at them, while they look at me, and tell myself....the have no damn clue. Beside some hair loss, weight loss, and some rashes, nothing looks wrong. I can imagine that people often think "you don't look sick". My daughter's teacher recently made the comment to me about how wonderful I looked. I just smiled and said thank you. Inside I thought "she has no idea the hell I went through to be here today" Just when I think that I can handle what I am going through, like the gastro issue, something new happens. One upon another the symptoms keep coming, and the Dr's answer is that is the Lupus. I am currently on the list to see a specialist, the list was 6 months long. December 13, 2010 I will arrive to the person that they feel will help me in this situation. I will admit that some days are better than others, and I love those days! When it comes to feeling and emotions, that is another day, another post, another time.

Speaking What I Cannot

I find myself trying to protect myself from my own family. Trying to disappear from everyone, wishing that they would all just leave and let me go.Due to significant medical issues my life feels like a lost ship on the Bering Sea. Seems that this issue has touched not only my own life, but is greatly impacting the state of my family's well being. My husband is under a tremendous amount of stress, the children are watching mom try so hard not to waste away but it is slipping out of everyone's control including her own.  The house is a bit messy and some days down right gross. A housewife quietly tries to do the dishes and all the while murmurs to herself that she must do the dishes, and even if that is the only thing she gets done today, they must be done. A wife calls to her husband, after soaking in a tub of lavender Epsom salt trying to soothe the aching bones, because she is to weak to get out and can't afford the possibility of falling. I go to bed at night and pass out before I even hit the pillow only to wake up in the morning feeling like I haven't slept for a week. Than the day starts again, staring at a house full of things that need to be done, tears falling down a face when surrounding by should be, have to be, need to be, not getting done. Curling up on a ball on the couch spending countless hours on the computer because I am so lonely I don't know what else to do. Lonely while at the same time pushing people away because I don't want to hear nor see the disgusted looks on peoples faces, when i choose to stay in my pjs and my hair is a mess. Longing for the man that says he loves me to tell me I am beautiful in my worst moments, but so tired of emotionally waiting. On the days I do choose to take the precious time it takes to fix myself to what the world sees as acceptable, I am so tired by the time I am done, that I undo all the work by melting into the couch for the nap that I hope to restore my energy. When I do venture out into the world to do those things, that absolutely cannot be left unattended I find myself longing for the comfort of my little place on the couch. I feel like people can see the disease that has plagued me. I feel like I don't belong out there. I feel uncomfortable out in the world. In another way I feel like I am envious of the girl with long, luscious hair, with a big smile on her face. The woman that is working to help support her family, the girl going to school, the ones out playing sports and able to be active are the ones I look at and wonder why I must sit here and wait for my turn. I pray and heaven's doors feel closed, the tears go unheard, the steps go unseen. I long to be in church on Sunday morning but know that getting ready will wear me out and driving will be dangerous in the state of weariness I am experiencing. The days are getting longer, the month shorter, the time more unbearable....tears only speak what I cannot....

~Summer Vacation~

 
 

!Super Swollen Sunday!

So last night I had all intentions of heading to church this morning. Alissa and I picked out our outfits (mine to include one of my new skirts from my dear friend Karen) and prepared to be ready to go. Well when I woke up at 0930 I realized I was not going to make it on time. I felt a little stiff and carefully started from bottom to top to move my body parts. I quickly realized I felt like a beach ball! The ROM in my feet was limited and I realized that my hands wouldn't open or close very well. My eyes felt like I had cried for hours on end. I got outta bed and went to the restroom, while washing my hands I took a look in the mirror and SCARY!! I was staring into the eyes of an elephant. I was going to post a picture and than realized that I do not want people to see me as a super-size beach ball lol..I am sure that this swelling is just a response to the total body inflammation that is going on right now.. I guess what the super-duper smart Dr.s call a MAJOR lupus flare up. I have alot to learn and much grace to pray for. Because there are days that it seems near impossible to keep going on...

*Boise Music Festival*

We woke up in anticipation of the lonnnnng day. We took special care, and I spent 1.5 hours curling Alissa's hair..lol.


We arrive for the 1/2 mile walk from our parking space to the park, since they had cut off all parking inside Ann Morrison Park. We arrived and the sun was beating down with insane heat.

There was music happening all over the place and the vendor choice was amazing. The only thing we were interested in was ICE COLD WATER.
We found a spot fairly close to the stage and set up our seating for the evening bands. We took the kids to the inflatable play land...where Kobe won a gladiator match.
We stopped and played in the fountain a few times... We sat and enjoyed bands Ryan Star,Alex Band (lead-singer of The Calling), Macy Gray, Backstreet Boys and the amazing Bret Michaels.

It was a mess once the Backstreet Boys arrived. The crowd was uncontrollable and rude. None the less we continued to enjoy the music and the moment.
Leaving was fairly easy as we cut out in the middle of Bret Michaels...I had been out entirely way to long...it was a fun experience but I am greatly paying the consequences...

I've Wasted It So~

The longing is deeper than it has ever been..and I feel no closer than before....I just know that I can't do this alone anymore...surrender is the lesson I must learn...and yet I have no idea where to start...I am so confused on what is right and wrong..what is brainwashed and what is real...I know what I am...I know I need him so......

*Crumbling Cakes and Watermelon Frosting*

So I have been anxious and wanted to do some baking...lol..I should really reconsider when I have these ideas lol..Alissa and I tried our hand at making some homemade watermelon frosting...it turned out so sweet it would make anyone lips pucker lol...so we moved on to the cakes...so I made sure that the toothpick came out clean and it still crumbled!!!! This never matters to a 8 year-old girl..so she proceeded to frost it lol and even put some sprinkles on it lol..wow...I decided that the watermelon wont work so I am waiting to go to the store to get some frosting for the other cake, which seems to have held up much better than the other...so possibly if I can get it to look some what presentable..you might see a pic :P

Mother's Birthday And An Art Project...

Since I am home all day without a lot to do, I have decided to try my hand at doing something with this beautiful old window.. I have seen alot of them redone and they are so neat, but so expensive. So my mother's friend that owns a farm is giving me them for FREE! Wow if that isn't a great deal I don't know what is. I have done a number to the glass that was in it lol and long story short there is one pane left lol...It has made a lot of progress since yesterday so I am excited to see how I can make it look...

% Have I Told You...I HATE Small Spaces %

So last Wednesday I arrived at St. Lukes Hospital in Meridian for a gastric emptying study. I had the pleasure of being escorted by my daddy. I was very nauseated and upon informing the rad tech she informed me that if I puke we would have to schedule the test for another day...lol...I was so gonna puke. As I was ingesting my radioactive egg sammich (if that is what you could call the thing) she informed me if I was to puke the procedure that would have to be followed. They would have to use a special spill kit to clean up the vomit and the items used to clean, the vomit, and any other items in contact with the vomit would have to be placed in a lead bin for 7 days before it could be disposed of. I found this quite funny lol... The test went good and I managed to keep the "goods" in lol..Upon the results of that test, (stomach is emptying normally) which we received Monday, we decided to do a MRI. So today, Tuesday, I went to St.Lukes and participated in a MRI lol...I have never have a problem with small spaces, but today I found out that I don't like being put in little tubes with loud noises... The results from the MRI should be in tomorrow. The current findings are the my ducts are dilated and filled with sludge. They are wanting to go in and do a conscious surgery in which they would clean and repair the ducts. Than we are following on to the next dr..which should be a specialist in autoimmune diseases.
Someone close to me told me that I needed to learn to surrender. Those who know me would agree that I am a stubborn person and that surrender isn't in my dictonary. So as I was laying here on the couch (pain is at 6) I looked around my insanely dirty house, the pile of laundry, the dirty floors, the dirty counters, and I see the lesson of surrender. I was thinking that since I won't do it on my own, I am being forced to learn what it is like to surrender.
I was having a discussing with a dear cousin of mine and the subject turned to faith (something I thought I would never talk to him about) and when I told him I had lost faith, he was wowed. He told me that he looked up to me for the faith that I had always had. I was the last person that he thought would lose faith. WOW if that doesn't give one a reason to step back...I have not lost the hope of true faith, but have lost faith in just about everything. I will not stop in my journey in finding faith..though the road seems long and windy...I think of the song.."it's not the one who runs the swifest, but the one that endures to the end"

~When I Cry~

Despite the few days of missed blogging, I am feeling withdrawn and don't feel like talking. Tears speak the words that I can't speak at this moment. My family had to leave this morning to continue their journey to Washington, and I just wanted to go with them. Instead I headed to the Dr for more unanswered questions and continued puzzlement. Now I am home alone, sad, lonely, missing everyone and yet don't want to see anyone. Praying for strength, praying for intervention and praying that I can find some peace admist the storm.

*Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You*

The Fourth Of July is one of my favorite holidays. Not because we do anything special, but because it celebrates the most heroic.
We are not forced into service for our country but given the willful choice to serve. I am free because someone made the choice to fight the war for me.

This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. ~Elmer Davis

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you. ~Author unknown

Many sit and critize the war in Iraq, but they fail to see one important point. These soliders did not go because they agree with the war, they went because they were asked to go. They made a decision to defend our country and not ask questions. They made a choice to leave their families, their homes, their jobs and friends, without a second thought.
My Brother-in-Law, Michael Shoop, is currently stationed overseas. It is a sacrifice of which I will never understand. I am but one person but my sincere thanks goes out to ALL the men and woman that are not home.
THANKS MIKE!!!! Hope you are home soon!
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick

In The Valley He Restoreth My Soul~

The Lord knows I can't live on the mountain, so he picks out a valley for me....

He leads me beside still waters,

Somewhere in the valley below,

He draws me aside,

To be tested and tried,

But in the valley he restoreth my soul...

We often love life when were up on the mountain, but what about the valley. Why is it something that we wish to escape? Why when we are in the valley we wonder why? I have been thinking about my "valley'. I wonder why it seems I have been here so long. A lot of thoughts came to my mind. I am here because I yearn in the valley but the mountain brings a peace and I fail to continue to yearn. I am comfortable on the mountain and fail to continue on the journey to finding true and complete peace. So here I sit...in the valley. So what is a valley? As much as we hate to be in the valley, it is beautiful.

This last weekend I was privileged to attend HHC camp out and was blessed. Although my strength is gone and my spirit is tested, I participated in a nature hike. And as I was walking and hiking, so much opened my eyes. The hills where hard, often times I felt dizzy and nauseated and felt like stopping. Up and up, around through the trees, over half buried stones, tripping over sticks, ducking under falling trees, climbing up huge rocks......than down, down....to the "valley" crystal clear waters, a bridge, beautiful green trees, a fresh pleasant smell...beautiful...absolutely amazing...not a bad place...this place brought the strength to continue...its beauty planting the desire to see more, to know more, to experience more....its a place of encouragement, a place of rest, a place of learning, a place to sit and get your feet wet...a place to grow...

So my "valley" as dark and lonely it may seem at times...is it a place for me to learn... a place for rest...a place of beauty....

So I will share a little of my "valley" with you.......

My health is currently failing.....it seems to be a vicious circle of doctors and testing...with little to no certain answers... I have good days and I have horrible days...seems there is no in between...Next week one of the test I will go through will be a digestion study, to see if my stomach is emptying correctly. I have 3 doctors appointments..two in one day!...

I have personal issues that are taking an emotional toll on me, but the "valley" is beautiful...

A Champion Is Someone Who Gets Up When He Can't...Jack Dempsey

Well today the package with what a woman considers her glory, the thing she fusses about most on the date she is supposed to go or the night out with the girls, came in the mail. I walked around the corner and didn't expect it to be here. I had signed up with the USPS to send me updates to my cell phone letting me know when the delivery would be made, and I never got one saying it was going to arrive. I was very excited and in my excitement I proceeded to break off one of my nails ripping the box open. So I inspect all the items within the box, and the excitement quickly disappears. I try on the first wig, which is a shorter one, and it fails to look like the picture. So I quickly figure that I can work with it and it will work. The next two are beautiful and I love the way they look. As I am staring in the mirror, my heart sinks, and I begin to feel self conscious. I than realize that somewhere on this journey, I must find acceptance. Acceptance for the things in which I have no control. I must find the self confidence to "sport" my hair lol because after several conversations with other wig wearers, this is the key. If it doesn't bother you, no one will notice, is what I have been told. So..the adventure begins..to acceptance of what I can't change and being confident in who I am...fake hair and all. I was telling a friend how different it is. How I can wear fake nails but so different when it comes to hair. When does the point come that you are losing you and becoming a "fake" person. When do you stop being true to you and who you are? Does that time ever come? Is that point different for each person? Wouldn't you have to know who you are, before you can lose yourself?
So tomorrow is the big day. One that is anxiously waited for, and when its close arrival comes, the dread begins to set in. I will be headed to the doctor in hopes of some answers and to begin some testing. Fear of the unknown always grips the heart of those that are fearful of the possible answer. Logically we know we must seek the answer, our heart may tells us that sometimes things are best left unanswered. Just because we choose not to seek the answer, is that giving up? I am a firm believer that choosing not to fight because the battle seems to tough, is giving up. Laying down your sword and shield as the enemy is quickly approaching with the fire power of an army, is not the answer. A hero is not born because he ran, he is born for standing up for himself, others and what is right. I think of boxing when I think of what I am going through. It's the 6th round and all I can think about is how tired I am. I have an opponent coming at me with all his might and glory. Ready to swallow me up in his pitiful wallows of defeat. I have a corner full of supporters and yet their voice is often drown out by the noise of self defeat. My arms to tired, the gloves so heavy, the sweat burning my eyes. One more round, than one more round, the vicious circle of just trying to keep myself protected. Swinging with all the strength I can muster, bobbing in and out, labored breathing, encasing the will to fight. Its not the one who runs the swiftest, but the one that endures to the end. This ring, this fight, will not be be my last. I may not win, but I will fight with vigor. Weakness is found in the things we choose not to do. Power comes with facing that challenge. So tomorrow, the 7th round begins.... champion shows who he is by what he does when he's tested. When a person gets up and says 'I can still do it', he's a champion.
Evander Holyfield

$Happy Memorial Day$

Today was a day of remembering those that have bravely died for our country and those that courageous currently serve our homeland. We also remember those that we have lost that are important to us. We have all lost someone close to us and today is a day of special remembrance. I have lost my birth mother, a dear friend, and most recently a grammie. There are many others that I have lost but these 3 people are who I think of on Memorial Day. None the less, neither is more important than the others. We must celebrate life for it is like the dew and is only here for a moment.
Today I spent most of the day cleaning and trying to get the house in good working order before we leave this Friday. The laundry is finally totally done and put away! For me that is an amazing accomplishment lol. All that is left is the living room needs some picking up and mopped, and I have decided that it can wait until tomorrow lol or Wednesday. I am growing anxious for our trip for it brings much excitement. It has been a VERY long time since Keith and I have gotten away. I am hoping that it will bring some of the fire back. Flames baby...FlAmEs!!!!
Tomorrow I begin Clinical Procedures II with my fav professor, Mrs. Sellers. She has been a god send to me at Brown Mackie. She is extremely patient with me and has taught me in two (soon to be 3) months more than I have learned in almost two years in college. Her light air about her always brings a smile to my face. Her no nonsence or as she calls it "a coming to grammie" has instilled in me an attitude to never settle for less than my best. She has faith in me, that I can't see in myself. So needless to say that I am excited to go back to school tomorrow. I have to go Tuesday, off Wednesday, school Thursday, and leaving Friday!
So time to bust my buns and finish all that needs to be done before my vacation!

Quick update..and Suga Rashad Evans

Well it has been a little bit since I have blogged, so I figured I would drop in for a second. This weekend I purchase Rock Band Legos and Guitar Hero Aerosmith. Spent the morning playing with the family and it was fun! I have really enjoyed play GH Aerosmith on Xbox live...battling against other players! So fun! I am very thankful that there is no school tomorrow as I am not feeling good this evening. We are preparing to go on our weekend getaway and I am both excited and a lil leary of going. There is so much to get done this week before we leave. I am so happy that I have finally gotten all the laundry washed and tomorrow will work on getting it all put away.
Been a little emotional lately. Seem to be overwhelmed by just about everything that comes my way. I feel neglected and I am sure that is more of just what I am feeling, than the reality of it. I feel misplaced, from not feeling good and wish that I could get to feeling better so that I can get out and about. The weather has left alot to be desired so I have not yet missed any hot, tanning weather...yet! I am hoping that while we are in LA and Las Vegas that I can soak up some sun and get a good start on a beautiful tan. The kiddos have season passes to roaring springs and so I am sure that once the weather gets better we will be found at your neighborhood water park quite often.
Last night we tried to lay down and watch the movie The Book Of Eli and well ya we know that when I sit down to watch a movie more than not I fall asleep....So tonight is round 2...
Oh and before I go, I want to give a shout out to Suga Rashad Evans, who was counted as the under dog in UFC fight last night, and went three rounds with Rampage...and those who love the UFC, such as myself, know that he WON~! So much for all the trash talking Page fans who had their meat pies stuffed back in their face...on that note...~happy eating :P~

~Bald is Beautiful~

So on Friday, after going to the hair salon to get a trim, it was discovered that I have bald spots. Even on day two I am still having an emotional melt down. Amazing how much a woman cherishes her hair. How it is a big part of her self esteem and who she is. Trying to forget that it's there is impossible. Self-conscious wondering if people can see it. I am really just wanting to shave my head and wear a wig. My lovely husband is not keen of this idea. UGHHHH...I am guessing the subconsciously, I feel, that if I shave my head I am taking control of the situation. I feel so out of control with everything that has been going on with me physically, that this is one thing I can do. I did try to get a hair cut that hides the spots but the day after and it is getting visibly thinner and more patches are appearing....Emotional decompression worked for a moment, but the inability to shake the feel of what is going on, is difficult for me to handle. So for now, I will remain a half bald person....until I shave it...

*SuMmEr Is AlMoSt HeRe*

Sitting here with freshly juiced carrot and celery juice(could think of a million things that taste better) and anticipating the warm weather predicted for today. It was so stimulating to wake up to the sun shining through the slats of the blinds. So excited for the warm weather coming up. I really enjoy being in the sun and especially in the water. I sometimes wonder why I wasn't born a fish :P. This weekend has some BIG plans, but I am still waiting to see if I will feel well enough to participate in those plans. Keith is going to golf tomorrow with the Boise State Wrestling Team doing some fundraising. I am supposed to attend a dear friends graduation party :D. So sorry this morning's blog is so blah....have a gooooood day!

*You Are Your Own *

Unleash the demon of anger built within our human clay. Not knowing at times where it was bred nor where emotion finds the adequate space to hide. Taking all your physical might to supress the killer who will crucify the spirit within you. Verbally conducting in a manner in which to hide the cuts and bruises, the bleeding heart you hold in your hands. Feeling unable to stop the vicious circle which only drowns you deeper under the bloody water. Handcuffed by the inability to release your fear, and to follow the dreams you fall asleep to at night. Slowly sinking to the bottom of the well, looking up to see the dim light at the top. With every last amount of strength you can muster, you kick with ferverance to reach the top. Every moment in your measly shell flashes before your blinded eyes. You are your own demise and hold your life within the very hands the sands of the sea flows through. As the sands of the sea are unnumbered so is your aptitude to dream bigger than the sea. Stand on the beach, sand passing through your phlanges, throw to the wind, and let the dream fly.

~Welcome to my blogspot~

~ Your blog is your unedited version of yourself. ~

Thank you for taking the time to visit my blogspot. Here you will find my ramblings of daily life, quotes, lyrics to my favorite songs, pictures of randomness, and thoughts and ideas.